To be or not to be...

Prepared? When it comes to Toasts, that is the question. In the five weddings I have been a part of, I have made toasts at 4. I have two girl friends that might as well be sisters. As the maid of honor in each of their wedding's I made the obligatory toast at the rehearsal dinner. While it was my pleasure, I feared the worst. My M.O., especially at weddings, is tears...lots and lots of tears. I get emotional. Many times, more so than the mothers and fathers of these joyous couples. With four toast under my belt, I still can not decide whether it is better to be or not to be prepared.
My best friend was married less than a month after I graduated from college and the day before I moved 1500 miles away from home. There were showers and graduation parties, family reunions and farewells, unpacking and packing. Needless to say, I was busy and this was my first wedding. Next thing I knew, I was at the rehearsal dinner and someone came to let me know it would soon be time for toasts, was I ready? WAS I READY? Uhm.... The short answer was no. I scrambled to find a pen and paper (ended up using a napkin) and forget what number 7&7 I was on. There was a small, two person table outside the room where the dinner was being held and I sat down for a few minutes of quiet to try to put into words what this beautiful young woman meant to me. It was a bitch, to say the least. There were so many things I wanted to say, so many stories I wanted to share, so many memories to sift through, close to 20 years worth. Where would I start? How would I start? WHY had I just begun? I didn't have enough time. This was my BFF's BIG DAY and I was not prepared. How could I have been so absentminded. I wanted to cry and I had not even begun my toast to the almost newlyweds. The problem was, time was up. I got up there and it didn't even matter what I said because well, for starters, you couldn't understand a damn word through the waterfall of tears that were coming down. And two, she and everyone there knew how I felt and how much loved them both, it was written all over my bright red, tear-stained face. Lesson: Be prepared.
My other "sister" got married last fall and luckily for her this was not my first rodeo. I vowed to be PREPARED! Having learned my lesson as a fumbling buffoon, I would NOT make that mistake again. There were a million things I wanted to say, memories I wanted to pull from, embarrassing stories to divulge to her nearest and dearest. Not only did I prepare a toast in advance, I typed it up. I had two copies. I had never been more prepared for anything in my life! The best part was I didn't have to stress about it, not the month before, week before, day before or 5 minutes before. What's more, I had already read it 20 times. I knew that toast. I was PREPARED. What a relief! As I got the cue that it was time for me to kick off the toasts, I rose, asked for the attention of our friends and family, looked at the bride to be...and started bawling. So much for being prepared. I miraculously managed to get through the entire toast. But, people, let me tell you, it was not to be understood by anyone. I even had to stop a few times to try to collect myself. What a mess I had turned out to be. At this point in my life I am learning to accept that this is who I am and roll with it. People laughed, I was relieved.
At this months wedding I was just a grooms woman, not a person of honor, so I was in the clear. Scratch that. I thought I was in the clear. The bride asked if I would make a toast. In case you aren't sure, let me say it again. It's not my day we are talking about folks. If the bride asks something of you, you do it, end of story. I was happy/anxious to do it. At this wedding was my crowd of guy friends from high school. Guy friends I met as a result of dating my ex (a fellow grooms person). Did I mention that I was anxious? On top of that, I had never made a toast from the groom's side. Don't get me wrong, I love this bride. I think she's phenomenal and I could not imagine a more sublime fit for my dear friend, the groom. But, when you make a speech from the bride's side you are expected to cry and say heartfelt mushy things. I can do that. It's not that I didn't have them to say to this groom, I did-I always do. I just didn't feel like it was my place. I needed to be funny. What's that? PRESSURE!!! Oh yes, I know the feeling. Here we go again.
I flew in town Thursday before the wedding to attend a lunch the bride threw for the female bridal party attendant, was honored to be included. I told myself I would work on the speech between the lunch and the rehearsal. There was not much to worry about as I had jotted down ideas during my plane ride home. Unfortunately, with the rehearsal at 5 across town and having to get semi-dolled up, that didn't leave much time in between. In fact, I barely had time to come home shower, get cute and pick up my fellow grooms people for the rehearsal. Word to the wise, in case you ddin't know, rehearsal equals night numero uno (or dos, in this case) of agressive drinking. I knew there would be no working on it until the following day, also known as the BIG DAY. I get up, get showered and pack my bag. Groom's mother and sister will be by to pick me up at 10:30 am. Since I have done this a time or two, packing was a cinch. And, since, as I revealed in the earlier post, I do not do makeup, there's not much to it. Dress, check. Shoes, check, PJs and clothes for tomorrow, check. Toothbrush/paste, check. Deodorant, check. Done and done. Long story short (or shorter, sorry!), the day got away from be. Between popping in on the boys and relaxing with the ladies while we got our hair and make up done, painted each others nails and enjoyed a BEAUTIFUL suite of luxury, it was time for pictures before I knew it. Pictures is where the day starts, well for the guys. Girls are a different story. Pics are followed by more pics are followed by guests arriving is following by getting bridal party cued up is followed by us walking down the aisle is followed by Bride entering and wedding officially beginning. The rest is a whirlwind, anyone can tell you. Not long after dinner, the DJ comes to find me for the toasts. Four of us are up there to congratulate our dear friends. I am after the best man and maid of honor. I am SICK with anxiety. Where do I start? What do I say? Can I maintain a shred of composure? Will it be funny? I should have drank more. Please think of something funny. PLEASE! What? It's my turn? ALREADY? I followed the people of honor's lead with the "how I first met groom" story because I thought it was funny. It's not that funny, actually. But, I thought I could make it funny. Let me rephrase, I thought my NORMAL, calm, cool self could make it funny. I was clearly not this person. Anyway, I told a quick little ditty, very short and then it hit me...tidal wave. Abort mission. ABORT MISSION. Here it comes. You better wrap this up lady. I thought you didn't want to be embarrassed. WRAP IT UP. I had to tie the story into them being made for each other. I said, it was obvious the first time I met this groom that he liked having fun, real fun. He was outgoing and had a fire for life (paraphrasing, actually wish I would have used that) and who better to carry that fire with him than the bride who some how managed to not only keep up with him but give him a run for his money. I love you, congrats. MONSOON! It hit me, hard. I quickly passed the mic and went to give the happy couple congratulatory hugs before totally and completely loosing it. I cried for about the next 20 minutes. I couldn't stop. Even my mom thought I had lost my mind and she's the reason I am this way (Mom, I love you!). New lesson: There is no lesson.
Making toasts is a crap shoot and I've never been a very lucky person. If I could give advice I'd say tell the truth, make it funny and make it quick.