Making up is hard to do

And in this case, I am talking about cosmetics, not actually making up. I, for one, do not really wear make up. It wasn't something that I grew up wearing or ever really learned to use. I get that it is probably not terribly difficult to learn, but I have just never really seen the need. Mascara is pretty easy and so, from time to time, (special occasions) I apply it accordingly. Eye shadow is a little trickier but can usually be figured out, although I use it much less often bc (full disclosure) I ended up looking a bit...fast? You know what I mean. So, when a bride tells you that there will be a make up artist day-of to do people's faces, I normally oblige. After all, I don't want to stand out as the ugly duckling (and as I said, I can't do my own). That was until this past weekend. We had two options, well technically three (as if I could actually opt out, please!). There was either "regular" make up or air brush. Well, in my ignorance, regular sounded much less crazy than air brush. Ladies, I am here to tell you, do not be fooled as I was. I sat down to get my "base coat" applied and was surprised, to put it midly, by the cold goop being brushed onto my face. It was wet, wet and very very cold. I tried to be a trooper, as I do at all weddings. After all, this is not MY big day. When she was done with said base coat I, of course, moseyed on over to the nearest mirror and took a peek. Oh Lord, how ill-prepared was I. WARNING: Content is about to get graphic!! My face looked like that of a dead bloated body, colorless, wrinkleless (but in a bad/fake way) and wet. Ugh. Sorry for the visual. Whatever color my face might normally have had drained out after the sneak peek. I vowed to stay away from ALL mirrors until the make up application was complete. Eventually she began the rest, asking what look I wanted. I appreciate that this might be a nice question for some people, but what the hell do I know? I replied, "Fun?" She gave me a look. So I tried to explain. Obviously, I am a baby when it comes to this but I didn't mind a little make up. I am paying good money here, I'd like to look good. What I would NOT like is to look like a whore, I explained. She got the message, loud and clear. Anyway, at this point we were rushed for time. I needed to put my dress on and RUN down to the Groom's quarters for pictures in 5 minutes. I was totally embarrassed for the guys to see me althought they didn't poke too much fun. However, I realized I had made a grave error in judgement when (no, I didn't look in the mirror again the whole night) I gave the bride's father a hug. When I pulled away I saw that my "face" had gotten ALL OVER HIS LAPEL. Hello people! What the fuck good is make up that doesn't stay on. Am I not supposed to HUG anyone at this WEDDING? Also, I like to hug. Nay. I LOVE to hug. This was going to be a problem. I headed straight to the ladiesroom to find ANYTHING to blot my face, preventing future mishaps before pictures were taken.
I have yet to see the professional pictures that were taken at the wedding. I will be sure to report back if the cakey, gooey, wet make up is worth the money or if throwin' down a few more bills for air brush (never wet) would have been.